"In Olden Days, the six-shooter sidearm was as common as the cell phone today.'
"And equally as annoying when it went off in the Theater."
- David "Grasshopper" Carradine
Ponder that.
Every generation has Complaints of Great Magnitude. Time moves on, and "Progress" progresses. It is remarkable how similar our complaints, when boiled down to their essence, duplicate those of a generation ago, or those of antediluvian times ( Cliff Note: Those times are before the American Civil War, or to which one of my diverse group of friends refers as " The War of Northern Aggression". He is "Definitely From the South". ).
Technology, however, has solved all of that for us. Isn't Science Grand?
A cell phone being as egregious as a hand-held, single-action, revolving multi-chamber repeating firearm ( developed circa 1850s - in its time, a New Thing and "The Cat's Pajamas" )?
You betcha.
Work with me here - "I can explain . . . "
I ride motorcycles. While I allow that this activity is not risk-free, many other activities are not without their risks as well. Some activities, one must admit - such as riding horses - are far more dangerous, if one is going to be objective about it at all. The fact that horses are more dangerous than motorcycles becomes apparent if one reviews the available data ( certainly in consideration of injuries or severity of injuries per "passenger mile" - "passenger mile" being defined as, in the case of motorcycle travel, the total number of miles ridden by a population of motorcyclists multiplied by the number of motorcyclists, whether pilot or passenger, riding these miles, or in the case of horses, simply the number of miles that the horse let you stay on its back - usually a much smaller number ).
Or the risk ratio between riding motorcycles vs. riding horses can be inferred, or even deduced from observational data. For example: I have never seen a motorcycle "pop a wheelie" spontaneously when a gum wrapper blew across the road. Nor have I seen a motorcycle, parked at the curb, spontaneously start itself up and jump the curb, running over those unfortunate beings on the sidewalk.
But we were considering cell phones as compared to sixguns.
Clearly, any one of us could imagine, and I have certainly experienced situations in which the use of a cell phone while performing another task - such as navigating a 2-and-1/2 ton SUV on a main arterial highway in a major metropolitan area - may, albeit unintentionally, be the unjustifiable use of lethal force. Especially to a motorcyclist.
As a motorcyclist, I am a little sensitive about these issues. I recognize that I am in the minority in this case, not of the motorcyclists, but of the technology-embracing population.
The fact is: No matter where I ride, the era of the cell phone has added a new level of challenge ( Read: "Risk" ) to this ( riding motorbikes ) pastime.
But let us take a look at not just the dangerous ( as that term deals with obvious things such as death or dismemberment ), but to the annoying and ultimately "Detrimental to Society" effects of technology, including, but not limited to the cell phone.
First, some background:
The First Phone Call in the History of the World was made on March 10, 1876 by Alexander Graham Bell to his assistant, Thomas A. Watson. It may have been - the transcript of that conversation being subject to some interpretation - simultaneously the first "obscene" phone call of record:
"Mr Watson — Come here — I want you."
The guy ( Tom Watson ) was just in the next room.
At the time, this was a Toll Call ( for the younger audience, sort of like "Roaming Charges" today - it cost money ).
In the present time, if one wishes to avoid the humiliation of inadvertently making a call that could be considered "obscene" by many ( including, but not limited to the FBI ), one should avoid returning calls on their "Caller ID" ( more on this technology later ) to any numbers beginning with an area code beginning with the numeral "9".
Apparently, then, technology has "progressed" to the point that we need advice as to how to avoid it. And I've just given you some. Free , Gratis, and for Nothing.
A little more background, so that we might compare experiences of old with the Modern Era of Communication:
In times past, say the 1950s and '60s, in order to place a telephone call, one would actually walk to the location of the phone, as the phone, being tethered to the wall by a hard wiring system without which it would not work, was certainly not going to come to you. Then, one would pick up this certain part of the phone. I can't remember for sure what that part was called, but you didn't pick up the whole phone, just this one part of it. The hand-held part was then oriented so that the speaker was aligned with the dominant ear ( most people have a dominant ear for neurological reasons, but sometimes the default is the ear that can hear ) and the microphone was aligned with the mouth.
Are you with me so far?
One would, after hearing a steady tone, actually dial the desired phone number on a round wheel-like thing with holes in it on the base of the phone. After hearing some ringing, indicating that a phone on the other end was ringing, one might hear the word "Hello?". If you never heard "Hello?", the person you were trying to reach was not at home. That simple. Your feelings were not hurt, and you had the option of trying again at another time when somebody might be home.
To receive a phone call, all one had to do was to be at home, pick up the hand-held part of the phone when there was audible ringing ( an actual bell was used to make this sound ), orient the piece as noted above, and say "Hello?". Most people, if at home and hearing ringing would do just this, without necessarily worrying about who was calling or if they wanted to talk to that person.
There were some other quaint aspects to this system, like having to remember, or at least write down people's phone numbers for future telephonic contact. Or look up the number in a book that was put out periodically.
Sometimes, when you placed a call, you got an intermittent tone - the "busy signal" - and, without further analysis of the situation being required, you knew two things: 1) The person you were trying to call was at home, and 2) That person was on the phone with somebody else. The option remained to try to call at another time.
Over time, various developments, or "Progress" came to telephonic communication, presumably to make such an activity easier, faster, or more accessible. While some of these developments may be good, I would make the assertion that communication has been complicated and made more frustrating in the process, and common rudeness more common.
One good thing is that at some point, the government decided that the citizenry could actually be trusted to own a telephone. Previous to that, they had to be rented from The Phone Company ( there was only one ). To The Phone Company's credit, the rented phones were built like tanks in the old days, and there are stories of elderly customers given to longevity who continued to rent the same phone for 70 years. There was a 101-year-old lady who had spent $875,000 renting her phone before she died, and the great-grandchildren were understandably pissed.
Other developments in telephony came that may be, at best, a mixed blessing.
While certainly not an exhaustive list, these milestones of progress include:
- Touch-tone dialing
- Speed-dial
- Answering machines
- Voice mail
- 800 numbers
- 900 numbers ( see warning above )
- Fax
- Call waiting
- Caller ID
- Caller ID Block ( a byproduct of the "arms race " in telephone "Tag" and other telephonic games )
- Caller ID Block Block ( this blocks incoming calls whose Caller ID has been blocked - Is that cleaver, or what? )
- Call forwarding
- Call rejection ( and thus, personal rejection, if you are the caller )
- "Mobile" phones, originally the size of a suitcase
- Cell phones, now so small that one my age must wear reading glasses to see them, and enlist the services of a small child, or at least someone with very small fingers to "dial".
And, my personal favorite:
- Custom ring tones
The list goes on.
A female friend of mine relates an experience she had in her gynecologist's office. The nurse had just had her "assume the position" for her Pap Smear. As her doctor picked up the speculum and began to move in, his cell phone WENT OFF - and LOUD!
The doctor's custom ringtone? Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". Now that really sets the mood, doesn't it?
A while back, I was at a funeral. Because of my line of work, I am expected to carry a cell phone and beeper at all times. Out of respect for the departed and their family, I set both of these modern marvels to the "Silent" mode - on "Vibrate". In this way, I could remain available for contact without disrupting the proceedings.
At a particularly poignant part in the eulogy, "Salsa" music broke out - and, of course, LOUD! Somebody else's custom ring tone.
And, as this were not enough, after digging through her purse ( a place that I would never go ) for an eternity, the woman actually took the call!
Now I was feeling all superior, what with having the couth to set my communication devices on "Silent/Vibrate" mode, and proud of myself for figuring out how to do this on my first try. I really don't much enjoy some of the newer electronic devices that have 674 menu options all operated by 2 buttons, but, by golly I got it right with my cell phone and beeper. And of course, both of the devices on my belt - beeper on the right, cell phone on the left - had fresh batteries for reliability's sake.
After the commotion settled, the eulogizer resumed speaking. At the end of his remarks, he asked for a moment of silence.
Apparently, at another location, a crisis had developed, and two people present at the scene felt very strongly that something very bad was going to result absent my immediate input. Availing themselves of the technology at hand, one paged me on my beeper, while the other dialed my cell number.
Not everybody knows this about me, and I hesitate to share it, but unfortunately, I am very ticklish.
The two devices on my belt, receiving radio signals simultaneously at the peak of the pregnant silence requested by the solemn eulogizer, caused me to jump up, do a little dance, and let out a sound that I am unable to describe, and again, LOUD! Nobody heard a phone or a beeper, and so it was assumed that I was merely competing for the "Most Inappropriate Behavior" Olympic Team, and that, for this Team, I was a sure bet.
Recently, I attempted to make a call from my home phone. After numerous rings, I realized I had misdialed, as the party I was calling should have answered immediately. So, of course, I hung up.
Moments later, my phone rang, and being old-school, I actually answered it.
"Who are you?", a voice demanded ( a female voice, I believe, but then one can never be sure ).
"Whom are you calling?", I replied.
"Why did you just call me?", the voice again demanded.
Realizing the "Caller ID" scenario that had just transpired, I said "I'm sorry. I dialed the wrong number."
"What an A$#%&*e!", she said, and hung up.
I guess this is how people use modern technology like Caller ID. This "lady" saw my phone number on her Caller ID - not my name, mind you - I have that blocked ( I do employ some of the weapons and tactics developed in the Arms Race of Communication ). Not recognizing the number, she decided it was her prerogative not to answer. Then, within seconds, and being unable to carry through a vein of logic, she dialed me back so she could interrogate me. More than likely, she executed this call with a stroke of a single button.
Young people have mastered all of this newer technology far better than those of my advanced age. For everything that they have technology do for them, however, there is some skill or knowledge lost.
Like the ability to make change during a retail interaction without the benefit of electronics. Or the ability to read a map, start a camp fire, focus binoculars, bait a hook, entertain themselves without the benefit of electricity, or walk down a sidewalk without a cell phone up to their ear.
Their feet actually freeze in position until they receive the next call, or can figure out someone else to call. Then, and only then can they proceed down the sidewalk. These same people are under the impression that they can, however, operate a 2-and-1/2 ton SUV in traffic while text messaging or surfing the Internet.
This marvelous technology enables us to be rude more quickly and efficiently to more people and with more impunity - impunity borne of the ability to operate from remote location.
And, it would seem, that this technologically-savvy generation doesn't really need to know anything, aside from being able to navigate a 674-item electronic menu with 2 buttons.
Try this: Ask various Juniors and Seniors in High School ( or college, for that matter ) the following question ( I have actually done this ):
"How many fighter planes did the South lose during the Civil War?"
Overwhelmingly, by far the most common answer you will get is, "200".
Then ask, "Do you know when the Civil War was? And when the first manned flight by the Wright brothers took place at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina?"
Now, you're going to expect that none of these kids knows the last two answers, either. They never studied these topics, or classified History as useless information not deserving of space on their hard drive. But you would be wrong. This intellect thing is not just a matter of memory deficit.
Many of these kids will be able to ballpark the Civil War to the 1860s, and Kitty Hawk to about 1903. If they can do both, repeat the question about fighter planes lost by the South in the Civil War.
Now, the most common answer you will elicit is, "150?".
And these kids are going to be polite and pay my Social Security?
"Thank you for Calling the National Education Association. Please listen to our menu closely, as some of our options have changed. For Membership or Dues information, press '1'. For Political Action updates, press'2'. For NEA in the news . . .'
"And if you would like to speak to a live human being,'
"press: '# - S - A - N - D' ".
Peace
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